Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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