wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
