I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
