This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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