I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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