So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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