I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
