so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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