Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
