Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
