some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want her autograph on my taint
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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