That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
