I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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