i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
