i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
