hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
