I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
