OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
