there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize