Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
