First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
