ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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