woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
