Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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