drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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