We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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