His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
