i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
