The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
