I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
