Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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