i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
