I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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