I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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