bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
