??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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