well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
