I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
