im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
