So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My cat gives me a boner
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
