sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
