He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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