the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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