I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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