hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
