She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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