pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
