you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
