it wasn't lemon gatorade
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
