you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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