woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
