so that wasnt chicken after all
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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