dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
