i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
