Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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