Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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