If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
