is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
