You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
