id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
