Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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