i jhust puked up my retainher.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
