HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
