Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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