Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
