I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
