Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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