i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
