I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
