Plan B is the new Plan A
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
