the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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