I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
