I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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