oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
