you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
