dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
