Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
a search helicopter?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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