How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
