Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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